Chaos unfolding upon Clifton Forge

I have yet to either introduce myself or thought it relevant to write a leader for any Telegraph issue. But now it seems at last it is appropriate I take the time to do so. My name is Caspian Douglas, and I have worked for newspapers like the Guardian, Die Zeit and the Herald before moving to settle down in the town of Clifton Forge which I’m now proud to call my home.

During my time here I have followed a mayor’s rise to power, seen the change of leads at the local clinic and gotten to know the town’s many colourful residents. Regrettably I have also had to witness, report on and been made aware of the criminal and violent side of Clifton Forge, and although I strongly support our Sheriff, Max Holden, I would like to take the opportunity to ask everyone out there to look out for one another. 

In a town where even the local priest is an avid fan of the Matrix, and easily convinced that one of the actors is in town to hand out autographs, people trade in dog’s teeth to fool aged men into believing into the unnatural, and where some young men are scared of the dark and others see it fit to wear arms and armour in broad daylight, just for fun, it is easy to worry, as an outsider, that when a New York times bestselling author invites everyone for a town wide larp, chaos and confusion will be soon to follow. 

This is why I now, as someone who has come to see this town as my home, despite the crime and violence I have to report on, urge all citizens to be careful during these festivities, and please, please use only soft rubber weapons in the coming games. I think it’s safe to say that no one wants any additional bloodshed. 

With this in mind, please go out there and enjoy yourself! And look to our last page for a tasty home made recipe on fake blood!

Ps. We at the Clifton Forge would like to apologize for our delay in publishing, but unfortunately one of our reporters became a little too excited when writing up her article and refused to let it go.

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