Ask Sunday

Welcome back readers! And happy middle of June! I’m excited to come back to my desk to find some great little insights into the issues that plague our beautiful little town. Ones you’ve graciously… or needyly… have brought to me, seeking answers and advice.

►Want to seek advice from Ask Sunday? Contact Faeryn Murphy (TheresaHerondale)◄

So… shall we?

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Dear Ask Sunday,
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My boyfriend likes to dress up in a very realistic wolf costume and run around our lawn at night. He refuses to respond to me when he’s in that costume, just barks, growls and howls. It bothers me and makes me feel like maybe he needs help. What should I do?
Signed,
Reluctant Zoo Keeper
~~~{Your reply}~~~
Dear Reluctant Zoo Keeper,
Well, we all have our little fetishes, huh? Just how realistic is this costume? And if it’s truly realistic, what are they doing? A comic con or something? Cosplay of some sort? There’s talk about a comic con coming to Virginia, I’m sure. Maybe talk to them about joining. It’s possible that even bringing it up while they’re wearing it might break character enough for them to talk to you in the future as well. If not, contact the Clifton Forge clinic and see if they’ve opened that psych ward up yet. He might be in need of some therapy.
❥Ask Sunday

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Dear Ask Sunday,
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I really like this woman I keep seeing around town. I’m just not quite sure how to approach her about it. Sometimes we chat, and when we do, she seems interested, but it never goes beyond chatting. I even got her number while talking innocently about a new business opening up. Should I just skip the formalities and send her a dick pic?
Signed,
Snaps
~~~{Your Reply}~~~
Dear Snaps,
I am refraining from laughing. Okay… to be honest? I’m laughing. Pardon me here, but are you serious? Or are you too young to be writing in to me? In other words? No. Do not send a dick pic. You could approach her like a normal person and just ask her out. But if your mind goes to dick pic first, you might want to just leave her be and maybe read some articles on how to be smooth with women.
❥Ask Sunday

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Dear Ask Sunday,
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Things have been a little bit slow moving in the bathroom department of our house this last week, it’s been getting very backed up and painful. My boyfriend told me that the best cure for this was anal sex, after a lot of discussion he finally talked me into giving it a go, things were getting pretty desperate so it was worth a try. We got naked and I got on all fours, thankfully remembered the golden rule about lube, it was tight and uncomfortable and after he was done I felt pretty raw and it’s been sore to sit down. He text me this morning and asked if we can try it again because he is still constipated! What should I do?
Yours,
Stretched and Raw
~~~{Your reply}~~~
Dear Stretched and Raw,
Constipation can be one of those problems that stops you in your tracks. Literally…. stopping your tracks. Okay, okay… moving on. It sounds to me like your boyfriend is trying to grasp at anything and everything to get things moving again. I bet he’s been speaking to that crazy haired, smells like patchouli, pretty sure they did far too much acid fairly recently kind of person who is always ready to spout out cures and treatments faster than the quack you paid through the nose for just to find out you simply needed some Cortisol cream to help that rash you had on your butt the week before. I say try it again… once. If he’s not breaking free by then? Tell him to stop hanging out at Whole Paychecks and read a medical journal.
❥Ask Sunday

Dear Sunday

Hello Clifton Forge! I’m so glad you’re back for more. You want advice? And I’m full of it. That’s right. Bursting at the seams and ready to let lose all over your faces with my sappy, gooey and delicious word porn. Thank you again for sending me your inner most secretive burdens in ink for me to parade all over the city with!

Want to seek advice from Ask Sunday? Contact Faeryn Murphy (TheresaHerondale)

Now, on to your problems!

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Dear Ask Sunday,
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My room mate is one of the best people I could have thought to move in with, HOWEVER they hid a dark scary secret. They’re a mother f*$%ing crazy shoe addict! We try to share storage and closet space, but there is just…NOTHING but SHOES. Normal shoes, special shoes, heels, worn out shoes that need to go in the trash, and a BUNCH of shoes that make it barely human possible to walk in at all! I’ve tried to talk them out of getting more or wearing such crazy things in the name of fashion, but it’s just not working. I even come too CLOSE to touching a shoe, THEY ACTUALLY GROWL AT ME. WHAT DO I DO HELP?!
Yours Truly,
Buried in Shoes
~~~{Your Reply}~~~
Dear Buried in Shoes,
A shoe fetish? This is not unheard of. Now, a normal advice counselor would give you some advice on how to speak to your roommate or even some great organizational options. And I could do that. Have a sit down. Do the sorting while they’re away, even if you have to pay for a weekend holiday for them without you. Maybe some crates, totes or those really cheesy looking over the door hanging things that always rip in like a week, leaving one shoe hanging precariously, scraping the wall every time you open the door? Right? But lets go more for the focus on this growling. It sounds more like your roommate’s obsession is a more… personal one? My advice? Move your stuff out and stop touching their private time friends. Hey, do not judge lest we be judged ourselves, right? Oh.. and always wash your hands if you have to touch them. Can’t be too careful.
❥Ask Sunday

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Dear Ask Sunday,
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My brother and I have been sharing rooms and apartments for a good many years now, and it usually works very well. We have no issue with who does the dishes or who takes out the trash, and even a somewhat similar taste when it comes to what furniture to get. But! He, who usually is very open minded about things, has a very strict policy regarding cutesy decorations, and he absolutely refuses anything that even resembles the color pink to be on display in our apartment. What do I do to change this? If I secretly redecorate, he’ll just throw my stuff out. Or worse, burn them.
Help!
Unicorn Tears
~~~{Your Reply}~~~
Dear Unicorn Tears,
Hmmm… This is a battle of stubborn personalities. So, my suggestion is this: Colour your hair pink. Wear punk clothes. Use lots of pink and cute accessories. Invest in a large bucket of glitter. Then, stand next to him everywhere in the apartment. Follow him everywhere and toss the glitter into the air around yourself every time he looks at you. I mean, he’s not going to burn you or anything. So, when he starts to get frustrated, tell him you’d be happy to stop if he gives on the decor topic. And he will resist. So have backup glitter. And even some of that silly string for when he comes home each day. Like a festive glitter, silly string welcome every time. You can even do that to him every time he gets out of the shower. Sooner or later, he will cave.
❥Ask Sunday

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Dear Ask Sunday,
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My casseroles keep burning. what should I do?
Signed,
Hot in Clifton
~~~{Your Reply}~~~
Dear Hot in Clifton,
Is casserole a pseudonym for something else? Is this a passive way of saying something I’m missing? If not, then I’d say to stop using your sex life as a timer and actually pay attention to the clock… or stop cooking. Maybe you’re just really bad at it.
❥Ask Sunday

Dear Sunday | 5.17.2020

Hello my lovelies. ❥Ask Sunday here. It’s that time of the week. You’re bleeding problems, and I have the words to be your bandaid. This is where you come seeking for advice… and I give it. Yes. I give it real good. And man, do you all have some serious issues this week. So, since this is our first, I’ll tackle quite a few of your questions. Thanks for bearing our inner most personal secrets for the whole town to see.

►Want to seek advice from Ask Sunday? Contact Faeryn Murphy (TheresaHerondale)◄

So… on to your questions!

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Dear Ask Sunday,
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I’ve been with this guy for about a month, and I’m absolutely head over heels, in too deep. neither of us want to be dating, or get hurt again… but we’re so close, we eat together, go out on ‘dates’ together, and are very sexual together and hell we even just moved in together… but we’re ‘just friends’. I know how i feel but i can’t tell him that. What should I do?
Yours Truly,
Hopelessly Friendzoned.
~~[Your Reply]~~
Dear Hopelessly Friendzoned,
This is where I would close my eyes, shake my head and laugh softly. Let me put this to you bluntly – You have the best setup ever! You have someone you care about, maybe even love, and you share bills so you don’t have to pay for it all, you get sex, and you even get to hang out like you’re friends! PLUS! You get to go out and do anything you want when you’re not busy being stuck up their ass. Go! Have fun! BUT, if you’re set on that whole tie them down and be something special? Tell him. Sitting and wishing they would make the move isn’t getting you anywhere. But know, it could mess up the really great setup you have going on. Good luck with that.
❥Ask Sunday

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Dear Ask Sunday,
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I’ve noticed lately, my underwear smells like wet dog when I take it off. Should I go to the doctor? I don’t own a dog, but my boyfriend says everything tastes just fine!
Signed,
Puppersnatch
~~[Your Reply]~~
Dear Puppersnatch,
Lets see… The human body is a fickle thing. And a woman’s vagina is no stranger to various bacterias, and an overgrowth of any one of these can cause a variety of symptoms ranging from itching to foul smells. But in the case that your panties are smelling like wet dog when you take them off? Have you tried to douche? Have you checked to be sure that where you’re washing your clothes isn’t washing canine bedding? Then, have a chat with your boyfriend about his personal time activities. Does he have a dog? Are they close… like a little too close? Does he pay special attention to anything of the canine breed? Maybe even behaves like one himself? If none of this applies, then yes. Maybe you should seek advice from your OB/GYN. Be sure to see your physician if you or your boyfriend start howling at the full moon, though. One can never be too careful.
❥Ask Sunday

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Dear Ask Sunday,
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Last night I felt this odd sensation, almost like a chill come over me while I was sitting on the front patio, drinking a glass of wine. It struck me so oddly that I was suddenly incredibly turned on and couldn’t help myself. Manual stimulation didn’t seem to fix the matter, but I kept picturing this guy in my mind. I’ve seen him around town. Tall, so tall, dark, and very handsome with grey eyes. He has long hair, muscles that just…. I’m getting hot just thinking about him growling in my ear while he takes me. I think I’m in love! What should I do?
Signed,
Desperate and Horny
~~[Your Reply]~~
Dear Desperate and Horny,
Enjoy it. I mean, you have built-in porn in your brain! Do you know what men would pay for that? The next thing… is this a man you’ve actually seen around town? If so, approach him. I would have to wager a guess that the two of you have a mutual attraction to each other’s pheromones. Hell, I would wager a bet that if you simply walked up and made your attraction known in a physical way, you won’t be refused. Go… find him. Give it a try! You only live once, right?
❥Ask Sunday