Dear Aunty Em,
I met a man when I was interviewing him, and I immediately became infatuated with him. We went on a date and he convinced me that I was his light, and that he needed a family. And wanted me to have that family with. One thing led to another, and now I’m pregnant – but the father was nowhere to be found. I’ve texted him multiple times and received nothing back.
He came back recently and told me that he was in a ‘coma’. With no details. He’s convincing me again that he wants to be with me, but I feel like I’ve ruined my life only at 23. Should I just give into this being my life now? Should I trust him?
The Red-Headed Light
First let me offer my heart felt congratulations on your pregnancy. Honestly, this was a difficult question for my to conquer for many reasons. There are many layers to pull a part and analyze and discuss here, but I will try to answer your question the best I can.
While that is an incredibly fast timeline, your life is your own. Much of your hesitance to trust the father of your child likely stems from simply not knowing him. Spend some time with him. Spend a lot of time with him. Get to know him. See if you think you can trust him. Without knowing him, I cannot in good conscious, tell you whether he is trustworthy or not. Just because he is the father of your child does not mean you must be with him. We are, after all, in the 21st century.
Now, let me be very clear, here. He should give you more details. I believe this is something that you should press him on. If he is telling the truth about his coma, you should know if it was a health issue, for the future of your child. If it was a situation including another person or a situation he got himself into, these are also things you should know for your safety and that of you child. If he truly wants a life with you, he should be willing to let you in.
As far as you giving into your life. Life never goes the way we want it. While it is ultimately your body and your decision what happens at this moment and the rest of your life, a child is far from a death sentence. School, career, travel, all of this is possible with a child. Your life is not over. That is so important for you to remember. This child will be a source of love and inspiration you didn’t know you could achieve. This child’s father doesn’t need to be part of it. You are a strong, fierce woman. You got this.